sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
