How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
