Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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