I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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