Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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