true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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