We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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