This girl is more easily done than said...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
