Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski