We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
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Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
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Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...