Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.