I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
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Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.