____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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