you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
