You're completely useless in the revolution.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
