DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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