I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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