It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
