I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
