I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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