How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
