she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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