I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
