so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
