and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
