So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
