Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
