i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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