They should really pass out barf bags in church
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
These tits shall not be calmed
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
