If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
