I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
