I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
