ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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