i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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