Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
