I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
