Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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