Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
