I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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