The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Still dying that you shit outside
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
