are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
