I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
