my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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