Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
