Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
