nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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