I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
