just come out here and I will go home with you...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
