dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
