You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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