I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I touched a dick in church today
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
