I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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