the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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