so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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