Cold hands, warm shart.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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