Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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