Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So many bounce houses so little time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
