You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
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I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover