Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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