The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
