forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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