I wish I could teleport
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
