why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
