i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
