he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
