i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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