do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
